Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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