I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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