He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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