Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Randomize
