so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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