I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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