He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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