the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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