he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this will be a night to untag.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
