Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
