I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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