I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
