he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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