Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
