Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
