My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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