My liver just broke up with me...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
