just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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