I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
