my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
