I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
