Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
