Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
