if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
