if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
