I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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