Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
