Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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