I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
be right there i have to get my cape
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
