That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
