I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
