so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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