drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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