there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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