I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh god it's open bar.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
