then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can't special order awesome
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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