The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
