meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize