my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize