I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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