I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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