Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
