I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
