Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
