you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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