For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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