so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Found your dick twin last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
