Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
