how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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