Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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