hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
