you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
