The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
