her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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