Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
