quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
