I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
