i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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