Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
