Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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