i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
