Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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