She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
