I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
