his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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