If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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