i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
