Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Success! We fucked roommates!
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