apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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