I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
