I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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