This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
