mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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