my vag is so smooth its legendary
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize