He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
