Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize