did you get engaged???
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
