look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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